The Revised Saga of Noggin the Nog

Upon the sad death of King Knut, King of the Nogs; Prince Noggin prepares himself for one last adventure: to find a bride.

Noggin leaves the Northlands to a fanfare of his adoring admirers and can barely stagger his way to his longboat for passionate embraces from the loveliest maidens of all the Northlands.

Unfortunately Noggin gets lost in high winds and finds himself on a lonely island covered in dark woods and an eery mist. To find his way around the woods Noggin climbs the tallest trees in order to scan the woods. Eventually, Noggin comes upon the home of Nargabad the witch. Fearful, but desperate Noggin humours Nargabad by joining her for a gruesome meal of things best not mentioned. In the ensuing conversation Nargabad tells how she unwittingly leashed a vicious monster from the underworld and agrees to help Noggin if he can destroy the Monster. To help him in his battle she gives Noggin a potion of Strength.

Happily, Noggin defeats the Monster in armed combat and helps himself to the golden treasure littering its lair. Nargabad is so grateful she is moved to a rare moment of affection and plants a big kiss on his cheek.

In return for his deeds, Nargabad sends a helpful wind to guide Noggin to the Land of Nooks where he finds his bride: the beautiful princess Nooka.

The Stag Night

The Stag is Noggin the Nog for the night. He has to dress up as a Viking and perform 8 tasks to win a bottle of Champagne to take home and placate Kiran. If he fails he gets it poured over him. The tasks can be performed in any order.

The tasks and achievements of Noggin the Nog (all to be photographed in order to count)

1. Passionate Embraces From The Loveliest Maidens Of All The Northlands
The Stag needs to collect 8 lipstick kisses from 8 maidens upon his helmet!!! He may need some recruiting help from his trusty hurlsmen for this one.

And he's in luck, theres a group of pretty Maidens

Oh, he's in there, I think...

More of the same

Noggin couldn't quite persuade her to part with her knickers for the Golden Hoard though...

This one was so scary that even the camera wouldn't take it... I've seen The Omen, and I understand what this must mean...

And one that got voided...

Looks like Noggin got some tongue in this one...

And the one that turned him down...

2. Climbing the Tallest Trees.
The Stag needs to shin up a lamppost

3. The Gruesome Meal
The Stag needs to eat a meal of the nastiest things the boys can come up with. Luckily for The Stag he is vegetarian so sheep's eyeballs and bollocks are out. He does however eat fish and has not yet opined on worms?

The gruesome meal, it turns out, is a shot of Orange (or lime) cordial held in the mouth and mixed with a shot of Baileys - Not very pleasant!

4. Potion of Strength
The Stag needs to drink an alcoholic concoction of the boys choice.

The Potion of StrengthTM is as follows:

  • 1 Shot Rum
  • 1 Shot Sambuca
  • 1 Shot Bourbon
  • 1 Shot Peppermint Bols
  • 1 Shot Gin

  • Add ingredients to a half pint glass and top up with Orange Juice

    5. Defeat the Monster
    Cryptic? The Stag needs to find the solution to this one on his own.

    Disappointingly, Noggin failed this task without so much as an attempt.

    6. Monster's Golden Horde
    The Stag needs to be photographed with 3 gold coloured items of women's clothing (knickers, hair-bands, handbags etc)

    Noggin made an admirable attempt at capturing the Monsters Hoarde, but was ultimately unsuccessful...

    7. Witch's Kiss
    The Stag needs a big smacker from a witch of the boy's choice

    Noggin got FAR too enthusiastic about this one...

    Here are some of the other photo's of the night

    And finally...

    The stroppy tart who had her boyfriend chase me up the street giving me abuse after taking this one. Hell, we should have used her as our witch!