Ivan Scavinsky Scavar

The harems of Egypt are fine to behold;
The harlots the fairest of fair,
But the fairest of all,
Was owned by a sheik named,
Abdul Abulbul Amir.

A traveling brothel
Came down from the north,
'Twas run privately for the Tzar,
Who wagered no one could out shag,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.

A day was arranged for the spectacle great,
A holiday proclaimed by the Tzar,
And the streets were all lined
With the harlots assigned to,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.

Old Abdul came in with a snatch by his side,
His eye bore a leer of desire,
And he started to brag
How he would out shag,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.

All hairs were shorn and no frenchies were worn,
And this suited Abdul by far,
And he's quite set his mind
On a fast action grind to beat,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.

They met on the track with prick at the slack,
A starter's gun punctured the air,
They were both quick to rise,
The crowd gaped at the size of,
Abdul Abulbul Amir.

They worked all the night in the pale yellow light,
Old Abdul he reved like a car,
But he couldn't compete
With the slow steady beat of,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.

So Ivan he won and he shouldered his gun,
He bent down to polish the pair,
When something red hot
Up his back passage shot,
'Twas Abdul Abulbul Amir.

The harlots turned green,
The crowd shouted "Queen,"
They were ordered apart by the Tzar,
'Twas bloody bad luck for Abdul was stuck up,
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.

The cream of the joke came when they broke,
'Twas laughed at for years by the Tzar,
For Abdul the fool
Left half his tool up
Ivan Scavinsky Scavar.